DIY Couples Massage: A Forum for The 5 Love Languages
If you've read anything in the past 20 years on love and relationships, you've probably heard of “The 5 Love Languages.” You may even name one or two off the top of your head (most likely your own). If you're thinking “Well, there's Spanish, French, Portuguese, Italian, and... Romanian?" keep reading because that's not what we're talking about.
A love language is the way people convey their love to others. As it turns out, different people "speak" different love languages. For most, falling in love begins with the intrigue of chemistry and is followed by the intoxicating (sometimes debilitating) thrill of romance. If the new lovers also recognize that they’re compatible (through common values/interests, complementary personalities, etc), then the excitement is eventually replaced by the comfort of companionship as both share more and more of their lives together.
However, many couples go years without realizing that they’re speaking different languages. They suffer from their inability to translate and then wonder why it feels like they’re growing apart. According to Gary Chapman, author of "The 5 Love Languages: How to Convey Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate," It is at this juncture that learning to speak the love language of your partner is critical to maintaining a healthy, loving relationship.
So don't feel guilty for never learning French! The 5 Love Languages are much easier to speak, and you're probably fluent in at least two already.\
The 5 Love Languages:
- Words of Affirmation - Using words to build up the other person
- Acts of Service - Doing something for them that you know they’d like
- Gifts - A gift says, “He was thinking of me. Look what he got for me”
- Quality Time - Your undivided attention. Talking and listening. An activity
- Physical Touch - Holding hands, PDA, kissing, sexual intercourse, etc.
As a company that makes massage oil and a "kissing balm" for couples, you can probably guess which is our primary language...
But if you read on, we discuss how a DIY Couples Massage is much more than just Physical Touch. No matter which language you and your partner prefer, making time for a DIY couples massage is a special forum where each language can be understood. We believe it should be on the menu for every couple exploring the linguistics of love.
1. Words Of Affirmation
This love language may not be the first to mind in the context of DIY Couples Massage. However, words of affirmation are easily introduced to this setting while you have a captive audience of one.
As you massage her feet and squeeze the tension from her calves, she may be more receptive now than ever to your praise and encouragement. Tell her not only how beautiful she is but how proud of her you are and how much you appreciate her for doing what she does -- get specific with one or two things you've noticed recently.
For him, tell him that he's your hero. As you stand behind him and firmly pinch his shoulders, praise him for those manly things he does, admire his hard work, and remind him how safe he makes you feel.
2. Acts of Service
What's a better act of service than giving her a foot massage after she's been in heels all night? Or how about rubbing the knots from his tight shoulders after he was crouched over the computer for hours?
For people whose love language is Acts of Service, you must remember that it's the little things, done consistently, that make the biggest difference over time. They may close themselves off from receiving your acts of service in time of stress. And this is precisely when a deliberate massage, even just for 1 minute one minute, will make the biggest difference and will be just what is needed for them to feel loved and connected with you.
Find the things you know they appreciate and do them. If Acts of Service isn't your love language, you'll feel great about doing something nice for someone you love.
A massage is a nice gift, regardless. But it's more of an act of service. Buying a gift for your partner - a luxury massage oil - says, "I'm thinking about you and willing to invest in the tools that will elevate our relationship."
Gifts are all about the implicit meaning. You probably said, "it's the thought that counts," when you really meant, "did they pack the gift receipt?" Although the phase is cliche, it is the thought that counts -- especially to those who speak this love language.
4. Quality Time
Time is our most valuable yet most taken-for-granted resource. We complain about not having enough of it, and then we spend it carelessly. We say it's hard to find the time, when the reality is that we have to make the time.
Whether you're a 'busy' person who’s constantly caught in tasks or a diligent professional who lives and dies by their G Cal, you must actually schedule time with your loved ones. Most people say that their family matters most. They say that their husband or wife is the most important person in their life, yet so few people actually schedule in the time to be completely present with that person.
Too many of us treat our intimate relationships like our savings plan -- contribute whatever's left over at the end of the day, week, month. But "whatever's left" is never enough. Things will always come up and you have to prioritize, make a plan, and get better at saying "no" to distractions.
5. Physical Touch
When you see DIY couples massage and read about the 5 Love Languages, Physical Touch would seem like the clear winner in this exchange - and maybe it is.. If your partner's heart swells up by a subtle, loving caress, a massage from you is going to make your message loud and clear, "I LOVE YOU."
Speak the Languages and Reign Together in 5 Steps:
- Order a massage oil as a gift from Reign Together
- Schedule 30 minutes for your massage - prioritize the quality time you spend together.
- Use your physical touch of massage as an act of service.
- Tell each other what's going on and use words of affirmation.
- De-Stress to Connect